And yet I failed...AGAIN!

2016 is here and gone. And yes, can you believe that it flew just like that! Before I move on to setting my (not so new )goals (once again! ), visions and in improving my ways for another year, I wanted to reflect back on how once again, despite of being alive for 25 years and learning so many things in the previous years (of course, with so many attempts for me not to) ... I still failed. I failed over and over again!
 My 2016 had it's ups and downs and yet I can't lie that it's filled with a TON of amazing moments to be thankful and grateful for. In this year I've experienced a LOT of FIRST(s) both good and bad. I laughed and cried million times in this year. But allow me to share with you some of the highlights I should look back and be thankful for (these are my answered prayers):
I remembered myself praying the "Prayer of Jabez" last year. I've been living and holding on to this scripture for quite some time now:  "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request. 1 Chronicles 4: 9-10

1. Connections 
I prayed for new sets of people to cross my path. Individuals that will strengthen and challenge  me to be a better version of myself. And yes, people who will believe in me.
2. Brand Collaboration
Yasss! I prayed for it too. I prayed for brands who'll see my passion in doing my thing. (blogging, styling, writing/kuda skills) I'm so thankful that God didn't just send me a BRAND or just one but so many of them! (all glory to YOU)
3. Thirdie and I celebrated our 5th Anniversary.
4. I started my VLOG. (finally!) 
5. I gained and maintained (and uhmm! lose some ) wonderful friendships with people all over the world.
6. Had my write-ups published in a magazine.
7. I improved my set of Styling  portfolio.
8. I became part of Village Pipol with goal digger bunch of Titas and Titos! 
9. I have been to  ELNIDO last summer! (my dream destination)
10. I had my first ever plane travel (local trip) 
11. I've been to numerous events in fashion industry
12. My Thirdie is on his last few steps of becoming a certified Aircraft Tech.
13. My sister got her promotion (We've been praying for this!)
14. To be known with my craft and passion

What a wonderful year full of achievements and yet here I am sitting feeling down, frustrated, discouraged, jealous, and afraid because as I type and read through all of the amazing things from 2016, this only reminds me for what a failure I am. 
No matter how much I tried and despite all the achievements and tasks I've accomplished. Here I am typing and composing this, feeling frustrated and jealous of others doing similar work and appearing to have much more success.  I'm trying to fit in a shoe that isn't mine. A shoe that could be bigger or smaller for me to step in. And that clearly made me so insecure about so many things! 
But heyyyy there's no one to blame. There's nobody, but me! I made my own self like this. Every time I fail I can easily be TOO HARD on myself. And that's the time I let fear, frustration, jealousy, discouragement rule my heart and gradually eats up my positive spirit and vibe that affects how I see things! 

I get stuck into thinking that when I fail, I should focus on the outcome of how I fail not on it's value. I always insist that things happened because I'm incompetent, that I lack something, that I should be this or If only I can... In short, I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Ugh! See, this is how I struggle with the stones that hinders my path. (so lame) I still get myself caught up playing the "If only and If I can" game. That's the reason why I never get to CHANGE... why I always fail!
 I am guilty of choosing the easy way out and hoping that things might CHANGE in just one click. So yes! Despite a year of more blessings and breakthroughs, I still worry. I still jump and linger into "NO" thoughts.  Thoughts that I should get rid of.
But it's 2017, make NO ROOM for NO THOUGHTS! And please despite the frustration, discouragement, jealousy, and fear…Let's all keep moving forward. Let's work to unlearn stories, release the baggage and unchain ourselves from the prison of small thinking.

 Let's not look back on 2017 and see those outcomes whether successful or a failure as the basis of our happiness. 

Hello 2017!  I still have lots of things to (un)learn...
And Lord, teach me your ways!

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