Hey! It's Okay to Lose a Friend (in your 20's)
I usually feel sad and lonely when I notice that my pool of friends is getting smaller and smaller as I get older. And it's because ending and losing a friendship is infinitely more difficult and so much harder than ending a romantic relationship. It's often unexpected, completely derailing, and difficult to navigate the lonely aftermath.
In my case I became too downcast about losing a friend. Every time I'll lose a friend chances are, I'll be too hard on myself thinking that it all happened because of me. I can't even believe that the friendship that feels so important, slip away like this in just a snap! I easily getaway carrying the heavy thoughts that I made all the reasons to tear the friendship apart. Things like these made so depressed that I don't even want to get attached to anyone anymore. I push away people because I knew that history might repeat itself: friends will come and go at some point.
With all these you might say that I'm struggling (Yea! I won't hide it. I'm struggling coz it doesn't come easy! ) with the fact that we lose friends for a bunch of different reasons over the years and that it’s completely normal to lose friends as we grow older.
So if you're struggling with the truth just like me here's some help:
1. Communication gap : Relocate to geographically distant places (Home, Universities,Work)
This is a prevalent reason why friends drift apart. No matter how much we live in a big beautiful love filled relationship when you're far away or there's a serious distance in between, the friendship we treasure gradually tends to fade. But don't get me wrong. It's not because we want it to end, but because now we don’t get to hangout together as much as how we used to do before. Also isn’t it a heartbreaking fact that when we make new friends, we usually tend to (unintentionally) forget the previous ones. No matter how much we deny it: Our lives are moving so fast that keeping up with so many friends is an impossible task and that's a sad reality.
2. The Chemistry and Bond has started to fizzle
Chemistry can best be defined as that moment when we realize that “click” with someone else. And to “click” usually means we feel a meaningful connection of some kind with another person. But as time goes by and grow older, we change. Our friends also change, as do the things that bonded us. We all start to enjoy different things. We lost the "Click" and the meaningful connection we first shared with our old friends when we're younger. Sometimes the people we connect with during certain phases of our lives aren’t meant to stay as we grow and change. The bond we shared to keep the relationship stronger has started to break and fade away. (Aww!)
3. Intolerance of Insincerity
4. The Harsh Truth
Truth hurts but it's the only way to set us free. No matter how long the friendship is, it will come to a point that one of you isn't ready to receive a harsh truth. When you’re being a good friend, sometimes you have to tell them or sometimes you unintentionally spill the harsh truths about everything. But by telling the truth and doing the right thing, you should be ready and be prepared to lose your friendship if they resent you for it. Real, lasting friendships can endure and bounce back from this stress over the years. So if you lose someone, let them go.
5. Good Conversation Matters!
The older we get, the more we start to really appreciate good conversations. Knowing that another person is comfortable with confiding in you — revealing some humiliating or personal shit they would never reveal to someone else — is a freaking privilege and you cherish it instead of throw shade. The only thing better than being confided in, is finding someone you can wholeheartedly confide in back without ever worrying that you will be judged for what you say and will be very much willing to keep it just between the of you!
6. No Time, Less Effort
With age comes responsibility and lack of time, we are more engaged in building our goals, business, career and or taking care of our family and just can’t see many of our friends as much as we used to anymore. Socializing generally takes a back seat. And that is completely normal and expected. Rigors of adulthood wash away friendships and it really happens.
Let’s face it, it takes work to keep a friendship strong. As you we get older and our circles continue to expand, it’s impossible to maintain thoughtful, deep friendships with everyone you consider a “friend.” Nurturing those around you is always noble and kind, but if you try to overextend yourself to nurture every friendship you have, you'll never have time for yourself. Eventually, people have to make decisions about which friendships they are able to nurture and which of them they aren’t. You’re not always going to make everyone’s cut.
Spending our limited free time and effort with people who we like and who matter is far more important and rewarding.
7. One of You No Longer Holds Value
This is harsh, but it’s the truth – some people are only friends with you because one of you has something to offer or maybe they just need something from you! Maybe it’s a career connection, or a valuable skill they think they’ll need help in the future. Make no mistake that there are people in your life who only consider you a friend because they see value in you for their own personal gain. They consider you a friend because they need YOU. And that kind of friendship is dragging and exhausting. It's a little heavy to carry on. So that friendships won’t last forever, but truthfully, very few friendships do.
Life happens so quickly that drifting actually happens rather swiftly and suddenly. Relationships come and go and change and adapt. Things happen. Now you have it, the next day you're no longer in touch with them. I hope these 6 reason(s) have help you understand that the “friendship” elimination process is totally natural and normal and what you lose in quantity of friendships, you will gain in depth. I promise it’s worth it. Let go of the guilt when friendships drift away.
This is a prevalent reason why friends drift apart. No matter how much we live in a big beautiful love filled relationship when you're far away or there's a serious distance in between, the friendship we treasure gradually tends to fade. But don't get me wrong. It's not because we want it to end, but because now we don’t get to hangout together as much as how we used to do before. Also isn’t it a heartbreaking fact that when we make new friends, we usually tend to (unintentionally) forget the previous ones. No matter how much we deny it: Our lives are moving so fast that keeping up with so many friends is an impossible task and that's a sad reality.
Chemistry can best be defined as that moment when we realize that “click” with someone else. And to “click” usually means we feel a meaningful connection of some kind with another person. But as time goes by and grow older, we change. Our friends also change, as do the things that bonded us. We all start to enjoy different things. We lost the "Click" and the meaningful connection we first shared with our old friends when we're younger. Sometimes the people we connect with during certain phases of our lives aren’t meant to stay as we grow and change. The bond we shared to keep the relationship stronger has started to break and fade away. (Aww!)
3. Intolerance of Insincerity
As we grow older and wiser, we stop ignoring faults and incompatibilities with the people in our lives, we start to lose patience for insincere and false friends. We learnt that “quality over quantity” applies to friendships too. You’d rather have a genuine and sincere conversation with a good friend rather than put up a front and be with superficial people. What we want is "NO more lies!NO Sugar-coating, just tell me the truth" kind of friendship! It's a lot more easier to swallow than to be with people who will make you the "only person" they wanted to see and be friends with.
Truth hurts but it's the only way to set us free. No matter how long the friendship is, it will come to a point that one of you isn't ready to receive a harsh truth. When you’re being a good friend, sometimes you have to tell them or sometimes you unintentionally spill the harsh truths about everything. But by telling the truth and doing the right thing, you should be ready and be prepared to lose your friendship if they resent you for it. Real, lasting friendships can endure and bounce back from this stress over the years. So if you lose someone, let them go.
5. Good Conversation Matters!
The older we get, the more we start to really appreciate good conversations. Knowing that another person is comfortable with confiding in you — revealing some humiliating or personal shit they would never reveal to someone else — is a freaking privilege and you cherish it instead of throw shade. The only thing better than being confided in, is finding someone you can wholeheartedly confide in back without ever worrying that you will be judged for what you say and will be very much willing to keep it just between the of you!
6. No Time, Less Effort
With age comes responsibility and lack of time, we are more engaged in building our goals, business, career and or taking care of our family and just can’t see many of our friends as much as we used to anymore. Socializing generally takes a back seat. And that is completely normal and expected. Rigors of adulthood wash away friendships and it really happens.
Let’s face it, it takes work to keep a friendship strong. As you we get older and our circles continue to expand, it’s impossible to maintain thoughtful, deep friendships with everyone you consider a “friend.” Nurturing those around you is always noble and kind, but if you try to overextend yourself to nurture every friendship you have, you'll never have time for yourself. Eventually, people have to make decisions about which friendships they are able to nurture and which of them they aren’t. You’re not always going to make everyone’s cut.
Spending our limited free time and effort with people who we like and who matter is far more important and rewarding.
7. One of You No Longer Holds Value
This is harsh, but it’s the truth – some people are only friends with you because one of you has something to offer or maybe they just need something from you! Maybe it’s a career connection, or a valuable skill they think they’ll need help in the future. Make no mistake that there are people in your life who only consider you a friend because they see value in you for their own personal gain. They consider you a friend because they need YOU. And that kind of friendship is dragging and exhausting. It's a little heavy to carry on. So that friendships won’t last forever, but truthfully, very few friendships do.
Life happens so quickly that drifting actually happens rather swiftly and suddenly. Relationships come and go and change and adapt. Things happen. Now you have it, the next day you're no longer in touch with them. I hope these 6 reason(s) have help you understand that the “friendship” elimination process is totally natural and normal and what you lose in quantity of friendships, you will gain in depth. I promise it’s worth it. Let go of the guilt when friendships drift away.
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